I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
