Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
