I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
