Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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