tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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