Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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