He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
