It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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