We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
