The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
barbara walters just said penis...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
