bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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