now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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