i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
