I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
