cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
