you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
