I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The air taste purple.
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