nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
