So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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