so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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