I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
