pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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