hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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