Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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