not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
