My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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