you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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