3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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