I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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