so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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