Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
