I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
