like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
