Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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