my mouth tastes like poor choices
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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