You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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