For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
