You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
