He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
