it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you never un-have a 4some
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
