everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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