I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone signed my nipple.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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