Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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