I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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