We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Text me some of your sweat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
