dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
