I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!