If i come over, it means nothing
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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