I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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