I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
