GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
