you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had sex on a roof
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
