Betty ford says i'm here all night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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