I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
