I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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