I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
