You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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