drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Where is the hickey?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
