After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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