I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
