dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
