can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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