fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
