I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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