FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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