Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
