I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize