I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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