In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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