fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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