What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
