Little spoons don't ask big questions
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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