sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
