A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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