apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
